Discourse and Desires

H.M:d.6

2008-12-24T05:41:51Z

Okay, I had a really bad day at work yesterday... today was hardly better. Still, I come home to find an email from a girlie friend of mine. The email has no body in the message, only the word P-Mate in the subject line.

Weird.

Now because the email is Gmail, of course Google latches on to the word P-Mate and fashions the adverts around it. And so it is that I find the 6th day of Happiness: weird, wacky, sold-only-on-the-interwubs stuff that no one will admit they actually find interesting/useful.

The P-Mate, for women who want to pee standing up.

[Maybe-not-so]Oddly enough, Amazon.com sells them, with Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought pointing to the Shenis, for women who want to pee standing up AND send dudes into jealous, self-conscious fits of self-loathing. [I won't post a pic of that, because there's no hiding what that looks like...]

Then I thought, Man, I know plenty of women who, during concerts, raves, in the woods, or on a boat, that would have loved to have had something like this! You've all seen the port-a-potties at a festival or theme park, right? I always felt sorry for women who had to sit—or squat—down on them. ~shudder~ This could also probably work for F2M trans people who have gone through—or don't want to go through—genitalia re-construction surgery, but still want to pee as men do [which would, by the way, entail missing the bowl, pissing on the seat, and other nasty things that make items like the Shenis and P-Mate actually seem like a good idea for some women].

But this sent me on a side-spiral [I won't say it was a 'downward' spiral] that I was directed to such naughtier treats as the iBuzz [which I still say should be called the iFap], the OhMiBod iPod Driven Personal Massager, the OhMiBod Boditalk Cell Phone Activated Personal Vibrator [!!!], and other things which I shall leave either to your own imagination or your own Googling skills.

Why does this make me happy? You would think such consumerism would be... well, pathetic, really. But it's not. No matter how much time passes, no matter what level of technology we are at at any given time, we will always find a way to have some good-ol' fashioned [or not-so-ol'-fashioned, as the case may be] fun! And in doing so, in this pursuit of Having Fun, it may actually end up being something people could use for their own well-being, F2Ms come to mind. So yes, I've included so-called oddities like Shenis, She-Pee, and the P-Mate as something that made me happy on Day 6!

That Survey Thingy Meme-y Thing

2008-12-03T07:43:58Z

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.

The content within a single cell or paragraph may or may not have anything in common, but the content in a <div> and <span> should.
----JavaScript & Ajax, 6th Ed., Negrino, Tom and Dori Smith, pub.2007

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you reach?

Set of books on the bookcase: The Monster Book, Angel Case Files 1& 2, The Watcher's Guide: volumes 1-3

I got these when a friend claimed he was going to start doing Angel/Andrew slash and wanted me to beta for him. He never did. But I still like the books.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?

Er, today is Monday... so Sunday... night. I was NyQuil'd out but I believe I watched Family Guy... Yes. Family Guy.

4. Without looking, guess what time it is:

1:30am [it is, in actuality 1:49 at the time of writing]

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?

er... oops.

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?

The fan to keep my lappies cool at the 'workstation'. Even tho' the lappies aren't even on. I just... never turn off the little desk fans.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?

Er, around 9:30pm or so... I ran back to the car to grab my bottle of Zicam and some water. There wasn't any cold water in the house, but in the winter, I leave a case of bottled water (Nestle) and it stays cold. So... I just did that.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?

This guy:

Jose Luis Merlin performing his La Suite del Recuerdo, whose "Evocacion" [the first one you hear] always brings me to tears.

9. What are you wearing?

I'm scared to admit this: my drawers and a grey t-shirt. :lol:

10. Did you dream last night?

Yes, that my boss wasin a traveling blues band, and someone stole his guitar pick. They were about to get pummeled when I said "hey, you can use mine." And while he asked that I never reveal his moonlight gig, he always had an extra sm:)e for me at work ever-after... It took all my strength to remember that it was only a dream when I saw him today.

11. When did you last laugh?

At work. They are clowns! Oh, no wait! I laughed when me and friend from Germany Skyped each other. I had turned her own to HOME MOVIES and we sat and quote Walter and Perry lines back and forth. I tried one in German -- it was a mess.

Watch the angel statue...

Walter: it's such a big step!
Perry: i think we're ready!
Walter: are we?
Perry: yeah... you know why? cuz i can feel it... in here.
Walter: [lookin down] what are you pointing to?

More Walter and Perry Quotes Brenden: Why do you guys wanna save that tree so bad?
W&P: Because that tree has been a looong time and we want future generations to enjoy it, too also...
Perry: And, everybody, we peed on it one time!
Walter: Perry, don't tell them that.
Perry: I mean we nnnnever peed on it!

Gawd, I love them.

12. What are on the walls of the room you are in?

A dry erase board and a globe calendar from... lol!!!! 2001! I'm so lazy!!!

13. Seen anything weird lately?

No.

14. What do you think of this quiz?

I like it. It at least reminded me to TAKE DOWN THE 7-YEAR OLD CALENDAR!!!

15. What is the last film you saw?

Er... Dans Paris [via Netflix]; Role Model at the movies. Paul Rudd [points to icon] is so fuckin' beautiful. I never noticed his eyes--HIS EYES!!!--until that movie.

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?

Well, I have a list of people I'd give a million to. Then I've bills to pay off, school loans, and then I'd pay off any debts the mom and sis has, then buy us cars, then create a little mini-recording studio, buy timeshare in a nice forresty retreat-like area and pay for some writer friends to come and spend a week whenever they wanted to get away and write [be it original fic or fanfic]. Oh, and I'd pay for my registration to Azkatraz... er, is that what it's called?

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know about.

I've started repressed false memory therapy... I'm sure either pir8fancier or nathaniel_hp or sassy_cissa or shaneworshipsu2 has done something naughty to me. Okay, so I wish that they had... Oh, and five points if you can guess what sitcom I stole that first line from...

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?

Everyone would treat everyone as they would want to be themselves treated, and everyone would be able to put themselves in the shoes of others. That would solve about 85-90% of the world's woes, I'm sure.

19. Do you like to dance?

Yes. When I Dj'd raves and clubs, I was notorious as being 'the dj who likes to dance...' One time, I was supposed to play a rave in Omaha--yes, Omaha--and the Dj before me was a newbie, but he was rockin' it and playing techno like he invented the shit. And 45 minutes into MY set, I'm dancing in front of the speakers, sweatin' and losing my mind! Needless to say, the promoter was pissed. I played 10-15 minutes of a 90-minute set, and that kid, who was only supposed to play 45minutes, got to play for more than an hour! I wonder what ever happened to him.

Addendum to Question 18: I guess that's one thing yaw'll didn't know: from 1993 to 2002 I Dj'd and promoted raves.

20. George Bush:

Proof that you can wake up from 8-year-long nightmares.

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?

Tabea Gabrielle

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?

Either Pauel Sebastien or Patrik Sebastien. Before I was adopted, my first name was Patrik. So... I rather fancy it. Sebastien is a must, I just don't know if I should spell it 'Sebastien' or 'Sebastian'.

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?

Yes. Brazil. German. Derbyshire, UK. France. Montreal. Spain.

24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?

"Welcome Home, son, and don't worry: there's a place for him, too."

Well-Wishers; New Job Funny(ish) Update; & a Dif'rent Kind of Gabe-Words™

2008-06-25T04:58:40Z

[Well-Wishers]
First and foremost, I wanted to thank all my well-wishers. Among them (in no order other than alphabetical):

anthimaeria
blamebrampton
ceirdwenfc
hapendfro
le_negronomicon
lijahlover
nathaniel_hp
pepper202
pir8fancier
sassy_cissa
sesheta_66
xlovexlolitax

Thank you to everyone who took the time to post your Happy Birthdays. It helped make June 23^rd one of the best ever. If I missed someone, please comment and I'll be sure to flagellate myself thoroughly!

A special thank-you goes to sassy_cissa for her gift. It was well used!

[Hey, Remember The 'Fancy' New Job I Got? Funny Story, That...]
So when I talked about the New Job, I mentioned my concern that it was Network Analyst and that I had limited qualifications in that field?
.
.
.
.
Yeah, Content Analyst.

Basically, as new policies and whats-not comes down from The Higher Ups, the H-Ups being either the company itself or The Feds, I'm part of the crew that... well, analyzes the changes, parse it, and suggest changes to training manuals, inter-departmental memos, websites, et. al., so that all the legalese, and managementese, and bureaucratese, and gobbledygook are parsed into something more understandable to... well, everyone really.

So yeah... big blunder for me. I guess it was my English minor and Computer Science Certificate that helped with the decision, because I will be working intimately (whatever he means by that) with the Internet Communications department. Whatever. So long as it's not networking, altho' I admit I was pretty excited about the networking thing, but Content Analyst seems way more up my alley.

[American Accent Meme]
Not that this was a surprise, and I think I've done this before, but...

What American accent do you have? (Best version so far)

Neutral

You're not Northern, Southern, or Western, you`re just plain -American-. Your national identity is more important than your local identity, because you don`t really have a local identity. You might be from the region in that map, which is defined by this kind of accent, but you could easily not be. Or maybe you just moved around a lot growing up.

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

it's the same result every time. I do tend to get a bit twangy if I'm tired or sleepy. Other than that, however...

[More Gabe-Words™]
Normally, I keep an eye out for words I think we should use more, as well as words that I think we could never use again, especially in writing (barring things like historical fiction or deliberate attempts at démodé-as-neoteric, as in the case of Stephenson's The Diamond Age, or even Stroud's Bartimaeus Trilogy (which took me awhile to realize the setting was a bit more modern than what I had originally thought!!))*. But this time, I thought I'd try something different. These words and phrases are 'old' American slang terms. Not terribly old, mind you. We're not talking Colonial-era America or Civil-War era. But you know... 40s, 50s.

So... shall we?

The first two are actually slogans from the 40s that I think are apt today, even if the intent of the phrases are a bit different. Of course they are war-related, being the 40s and all.

Don't you know there's a war going on? Before, this was used instead of apologizing for lack of goods and supplies, crappy workmanship, shoddy services, etc.. Now, we could use it as a constant reminder that 'hey, there is a war going on', since -- for most of us -- this 'war' we're in now hasn't asked us to sacrifice much. I mean, for those who don't have family members or close friends in the war, we haven't been asked to ration, to send under-aged kids to work because Mommy and Daddy are fighting a war, or to do anything remotely equating 'sacrifice'. Maybe that's why we're so wishy-washy on the whole 'bring them back' crusade.

Speaking of rationing... Use it up, wear it out, make [it] do, or do without. That was the slogan to conserve. We could take that to heart now, I think. Aside from being apt, it's got an awesome rhythm. I object to that third it, tho; I think it sounds better without [it], myself.

Apparently, the 50s were a bit slow in terms of teen-slang. But one of the ones I really liked was the phrase, My, how sanitary! in the sense of I approve; and also from the 40s—Bells, man!, an expression of approval from bebop music.

Oddly similar was the almost-revitalization of the Bell motif with the SNL 'Needs More Cowbell' skit. Of course, aside from the phrase coming from the only thing funny about SNL in a long time (and thus was overused by everyone), its ambiguity didn't allow for it to stick. I used it sarcastically, to mean that such-and-such would have been cool, it only it had a cowbell; others used it to mean they liked it a little, but would have liked it more if only it had more cowbell, or even a cowbell.

One relatively newish slang that I've been hearing is referring to someone (or something) as nano, especially in competition -- be it with competition for a job, sports, romance, class standing. As in the threat that your competition poses to you is so small, so insignificant, that it's 'nano'. But it's mostly used as a noun.

"I hear you got competition for that promotion."

"Who? Henry? Pfft! Nano."

So if you have some slang terms (past or present) that you particularly liked, even if it's just stuff you and your mates gobbed on about (and no one else knew what you were talking about), drop a comment and fill us in! Maybe you'll start the next interwubbery craze!

Oh... and Thursday's Inspirational Art Film...? Let's just say I've seen these two boys in plenty of icons lately, and I think you'll be... inspired.

And once again, thank you all for your kind thoughts, words, and gifts. I love you all! GROUP HUG!