Discourse and Desires

And not just Harry Potter creature!fic that are vampires, but vampire stories in general.

And not just Twatlight, or that horrible Lost Boys II, or the irredeemable Dracula:2000, but ALL vampire stories.

[Yes, there's is an exception, which I'll explain at the end.]

I hate the contradiction of the vampire. ( Under the covers, because it's long, drawn out, badly argued, poorly exampled, and I'm a little drumk . . .  )

Okay, well, I'm done ranting. Yes, I realize that there are cool implications in dealing with vampires in stories. Maybe I hate vampire stories because I hate the stories that writers are writing. Yes, there are nice implications of a world in which vampires exist. But no one writes it. I'd love to read a story -- or see a movie -- that explains, or investigates, how a society would really have had to evolve in a world where vamps live with humans. How integrated would they have been. Certainly there would be a bit of subjugation involved. But a world where we have the nuke and a shit load of military boys is a world where humans are no punk bitch. And a vampire who has seen man crawl from a potato famine to destroying nearly an entire city -- two actually -- with a single device would hardly have the holier-than-thou attitude that we see in Blood Groove, True Blood, Lost Boys, and countless other vamp stories/shows/movies.

I mean, think about it: a world like Twatlight's, where the father-vamp dude is a fuckin' doctor?!?! Okay, Edward sulking around Mary Sue all day telling her to leave him alone even as he follows her is uninteresting. Blah. Blah. But showing how a vampire decided to go to Med School to erect a ruse -- AND GOT HIS FUCKIN' DEGREE!!! -- is pretty damned interesting. Well . . . it could be interesting. I mean, I have two RNs for friends and a friend going to med school, and so far, no night classes. The only time they are in class when it's dark is when it's winter time and the sun hasn't come up for their 7:00AM class! Write me THAT story, vampire lovers, and no more nonsense about soulless, dead, undead people who are somehow able to sniff me out of my hiding place.

This said, I cast no aspersions against people who read, write, and love vampire stories of any sort. Altho' I do shake my head in wonderment at Twilight lovers. ;-P

Surely you jest!!

But this is no illusion.

I came across a new 'boy-band' named Vice on Myspace. Although I'm mostly on Facebook nowadays, I still use Myspace to find new music and comedians and whats-not. So I get this friend request from Vice, and they're all secretive and stuff. "Sign up to receive a password to go to a website once we send you an email letting you know when you can preview some music!"

Well . . . as I've said before, I'm a sucker for marketing. So I'm immediately interested.

I sign up.

A month later, I get the email with the password.

Two weeks after that, I get the web-link for the sneak peek.

And this is what I see



And I immediately think of my Next-Gen-lovin' LJ-friends, because . . . come on . . . if that's not Albus, James, Scorpius, and Hugo in a boy-band, then I don't know what is!

In fact, didn't someone write that story already? abusing_sarcasm? draykonis??

~sigh~

Their music is . . . odd, for a boy-band. Some are very danceable, but nothing radio-dancey. Of the four songs I've heard, there is a ballad that's nice, I guess, if you like typical boy-band ballads. But their Adam-Ant-wannabe "war paint" leaves a lot to be desired. I mean, if you're gonna do it, then do it. Here, let me show you . . .



That's how you do poncey war paint! And pirate-glam, too, in case you're gonna try a glittery eye-patch for your next promo shot.

Okay, that is all. Oh, and if you decide to see Drag Me to Hell, you should probably see it drunk or stoned. I mean, it's not bad, but it's definitely not something you should see without chemical assistance. Oh, and bring ear plugs, because Raimi ain't scerd to scare you by bloody ears.

So I take a couple friends to lunch today—Chinese buffet ftw, btw—and one of my friends and I get into yet another argument discussion ARGUMENT about language, notably idiomatic language.

I say something like, "Idiomatic language doesn't need to be logical. Take 'raining cats and dogs' for instance."

He says, "Well, that saying has a history and is so colorful, it's meaning cannot be misconstrued any other way. No one would ever think it's literally raining cats and dogs—even foreigners!"

Which is a valid point. Then he demands—okay, demands is a strong word—that I come up with another example to prove my assertion.

I couldn't. At least not right on the spot.

See, I feel that arguments and discussions should be met with an clean slate. Examples should pop up, organic to the discussion. I don't have a list of examples stored in my brain to which I can call upon and wield like weapons when the situation permits—I haven't the memory for that! And maybe my poor memory has shaped how I discuss and argue with people. In fact, I'm sure it is.

So after sitting across from my friend and his smug expression for the next 20 minutes, unable even to enjoy my crag rangoon!!!, I gave up. I didn't give in, mind; he knows that I'll think about it for days on end, until an example pops in my head. He stands to take a call from his cell [he is, at least, polite] and excuses himself. I say, "You know we're gonna talk about you behind your back, right?"

He laughs.

Then pauses.

Then walks off.

And it hits me.

THAT is a completely illogical statement. And I mean the exact—technical—opposite of what I said.

In literature, when someone walks away, and the other person is saying something after them, it usually reads something like:

Rob stood up and stalked off.

"Yeah, walk away like a coward, you coward!" I yelled to his back.

Logically—and technically—speaking, if I'm saying something behind your back, then I'm saying something to your face. I mean, if your back is to me, then I'm looking at the front of your actual back. If I'm behind your back, then I'm back to facing you. Strictly speaking. The phrase behind your back is logically inconsistent with the idea of fronts and backs, and would be more consistently represented with talking at your back, or even talking behind you, but not behind your back.

My friend came back to the table, smug look now vanished. I didn't say a word. I think I had made my point.

Addendum: Yes, I know I'm being completely nit-picky about backs and fronts and fronts of backs, but that was my initial point. Idiomatic language need not be logical or literal or even grammatical. We say things all the time that we accept at face value without thinking about what the literal meaning is. No one would ever think that "behind your back" would mean "to your face", but literally, that's what it means. I think. Idiomatically, of course, it means something totally different. Which is the point of idiomatic language. And thank gawd for it!